6.28.2006

 

Hump Day Mish-Mash 3

...it was with muted shock that we at PWTU learned of the Senate's failure to pass an anti flag-burning amendment to our constitution on Tuesday night. Shocking indeed: who would have thought there were 34 Senators smart enough to reject this bullcrap? Incidentally, there are 48-Democrats in the Senate right now-- we never said that all Democrats are smart.

...perhaps surpassing our shock at the flag-burning issue was the announcement made by Senate minority leader Harry Reid (D-Nevada) that he'd heard about our minimum-wage rage. He now promises to prevent a wage-increase for members of Congress unless minimum wage for people who actually need it goes up, too. Something tells us no one's gettin' paid this year, Senator, but thanks anyway!

...on a more serious note, apparently Paris Hilton's new song is going to debut on the Billboard Hot 100 in the Top 10. See what hard-work, right-living, and grainy homemade sex-videos can get you, kids?

...finally, remember our war with Metafilter? Yeah, that still rages, and we continue to fight the good fight. If we weren't so STD-ridden we would have certainly crushed them underneath our heel by now, but things happen, you know? Gots to take care o' dem weird groin-itches, first, friends!!

(Hump Day 2)

6.27.2006

 

PWTU Celebrates: National HIV Testing Day

Today, PWTU joins such luminaries as Selma Hayek, Nick Cannon and Dennis Haysbert in recognizing and promoting National HIV Testing Day. Yesterday, our staff held an informal poll and were shocked and dismayed to discover that the vast majority of us have never--not once!-- had an HIV test done before. A second informal poll revealed it was clearly not because PWTU staffers lead mundane sex lives, either; it seemed to be due to sheer laziness served up with a dash of ignorance.

Which is why, in honor of National HIV Testing Day, we here at PWTU embarked on our first official field trip-- to our county's Health Department for anonymous/confidential HIV screening.
Well, anonymous/confidential to a degree. In the spirit of hoping to remove some of the stigma from this horrid disease, we reached a near-unanimous agreement to put our results on little folded-up pieces of paper in a baseball cap (sort of anonymous, right?) then create the cliche-yet-beloved pie chart demonstrating our results.

Needless to say, we were a bit disappointed by the statistics. We have since (since this morning, that is), taken extraordinary measures to protect the clean, non-infected of our ranks from coming into contact with what we affectionaly have began referring to as the "walking dead" amongst us... the anonymous walking dead.

 

Way Too Easy

The ol' elephant trunk looking kinda limp there, lately? It certainly must have to Rush Limbaugh, and probably on more than one occasion. According to the AP the right-wing propagandist was detained at Palm Beach International Airport after authorities found a bottle of prescription pills that didn't belong to him with his belongings. What kind of pills? Vicodin? Oxicotton? Some other kind of opiate?

Nope, even better: Viagra.

That's right, Viagra! You can't make this stuff up. Apparently the Republican point-man, the man with his finger on the pulse of Conservative America, has been lacking an important "pulse" of his own, lately.

Oh Lord, this is too funny to even write about anymore. We're going to go ahead and post this entry anyway, but the PWTU staff reserves the right to add mocking one-liners throughout the day. Because, come on: an illegal prescription for Viagra? Hilarious.

(Source)

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