FYIF: Randomosity

Forbes Magazine has named Tom Cruise the most powerful star in its latest issue, blatantly overlooking the fact that he is insane…

… Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick continues his quest to destroy the city of Detroit, announcing plans to raze Tiger Stadium and replace it with a strip mall…

Tupac would have turned 35 today (or is he actually out celebrating it right now?)…

…and finally, we leave you to ponder this bizarre headline from CNN: Severed head flies from truck in 'bizarre and tragic' collision.


The Great Patriotic War Against Metafilter

PWTU's Second War
Part Four of PWTU's Ongoing Series: The Commies Are Coming

Regular visitors to this site will notice something different this morning: on your left, under our Fair and Balanced Link Roll, the entry for the webpage Metafilter is no longer there. Why would we remove the 25th most popular outgoing link from our blog? Simple: after deep reflection upon the evidence at hand we came to realize that Metafilter, a "community weblog", is actually communist in nature. Frankly we're ashamed it took us this long to realize the truth, but better late than never (or so many a menstruating woman has told us before).

Ahem. Anyway, because the Red Menace must be utterly wiped off the face of the globe (you're next, Belarus) the PWTU staff has voted unanimously to declare war on this scourge of the Internet. And as with our previous war (which ended with the humiliating capitulation of the enemy after only three days) we feel it necessary to explain to the world our reasons for this drastic action. After all, it's easy to make allegations about someone's communist leanings (so very, very easy); it's another thing entirely to prove them.

But we can prove them. Take for example the fact that Metafilter puports to be "community based", which suggests they consider everyone equal. That suggests that they feel everyone has a say, implying that they're democratic. Problem is that after you try to actually register for the site (so that you can post comments or suggest links) you discover they actually believe some people are "more equal than others": those of us willing to pay $5 get to actually complete their registration while those lacking the funds are basically told to take a hike.

And this sort of capitalism would be fine! We wouldn't mind them trying to make an honest buck or two off their site. The problem is that the monies they demand go to an exclusively small group whilst they pretend it contributes to the benefits of all.

In short, their system is designed to deny the real community, the community of all Internet-goers, from having a voice in what occurs on their site. Theirs is a one-party system , to be sure, and good luck joining that party (even if you smack down five hard-earned dollars).

The other symptom of Metafilter's communist disease is their use of secret police and totalitarian-like strong-arming. In the interest of full-disclosure we will be honest here: recently one PWTU staffer attempted to submit a link on this red-rag of a web-page, a link to our humble little blog. And the post went up, as it should, for about ten minutes before it was torn down-- utterly removed with nary an explanation by some Gestapo-like figure. Although this staffer had paid his $5 and had been a member since months before, his link went up and came down just like that.

There was no recourse: no appeal, no nothing. Not even a name of a person to contact to protest the link's removal. In other words, this particular PWTU staffer was not as equal as the shadowy figure who arbitrarily decided to deny his contribution.

Metafilter pretends to embrace a democratic form of link-sharing but doesn't even come close. We at PWTU understand the need to prevent spammers and their ilk from ruining a good site, but that goal can be accomplished without heavy-handed techniques when you allow a free and fair market to determine which links stay and which links go. On a "community based" weblog the people visiting it should be able to judge each submission on its own merits. And if and when an administrator should decide a particular post needs removal, some sort of recourse must be given to the submitter.

Otherwise it's just totalitarian, pretentious, and patently communist. And that's exactly what Metafilter has proven itself to be. We at PWTU urge everyone out there to spread the word: if you love freedom and abhor communist dictatorships, visit sites like I Am Bored, In4Mador, and del.icio.us instead of Meta-whatevah until, at least, we triumph in our war; as triumph we must...

...as triumph we shall. And as always, better dead than red!

(PWTU's First War) (Commies Are Coming Part Three)



PWTU Birthday Honorees: Neil Patrick Harris

Although at thirty-three years old, he is no longer a kid (as the shocking pictures above clearly attest), we can't help but to think of him that way. On his smash-hit TV series, "Doogie Howser, MD", Harris charmed and engrossed his large fan base on a weekly basis.

But perhaps even more memorable than his role as the child-genius turned doctor was the opening credits of the show, whose song would remain stuck in your head for days (if you were lucky):

(Source) (Source)
(Previous Honoree)



Fathers Worse Than Ours

With Father's Day just around the corner we at PWTU have been busy shopping for our dads. This year we decided to create a line of cards for people with less than perfect dads (we know there are a lot of them out there). Enjoy, then, the first series of exclusive People Worse Than Us greeting cards: Father's Day edition.

(Click to Enlarge)


Another Stoney High?

When I first read the headline for this story I was sure it had to be about Michigan's favorite half-baked high school, Stoney Creek High in Rochester Hills, MI. But though this story also comes from a midwestern state, Stoney High is off the hook for this one (though I'm sure similar things occur at Stoney High that never get reported).

Apparently in Orland Park, Illinois a school bus driver has been charged with selling marijuana to a teenage passenger on not one, but several occasions. And before you say, "Hey, that's illegal!", don't worry: the Orland Police Department are well aware of the law and it looks like the dealer-driver, Margaret Fittante, is going to pay for her God-awful crime. The system works!



Hump Day Mish-Mash 2

...look to the left for a second. That's a screenshot from an actual offer on NewsMax.com, the ultra-rightwing news magazine. They're willing to sell you Ann Coulter's new book, which retails on Amazon.com for $16.77, for just under $5!! In addition you will receive four free issues of the print version of NewsMax (cancel any time!). I wonder if "promotions" like these are part of the reason why Coulter's latest piece of crap-on-paper is the #1 nonfiction book in the U.S. right now?

...does Ken Mehlman have a heart? On tonight's Daily Show with Jon Stewart the RNC chairman said that part of the reason why Republicans are having so many problems right now is because of "arrogance and corruption". He sounded so sincere that he almost (almost) seemed like an actual human being. This is going to give us nightmares for sure.

...Al Gore was on Larry King Live tonight, and though we're not big fans of his state we genuinely like the former Vice President. But please, Mr. Gore, stop saying you've "moved on" since the 2000 mis-election when you clearly haven't; we would much rather see you get pissed off! We're getting tired of waiting for the big explosion you've obviously been building up for years... please erupt now. It would so rule.

...finally, we at PWTU are incredibly pumped right now: not since the Canton Ikea store opening have we felt so optimistic about the future of the Michigan economy! You see, the city of Wayne in the great state of Michigan recently announced that they will be holding a city-garage sale at the infamous Wayne Parking Structure. Now, the current entry in WikiPedia for Wayne, MI mentions nothing of this parking structure (it reports instead on a supposed resurgence in downtown development), but our intrepid PWTU staffers remember a much different entry for the city not long ago. Apparently someone changed the wiki-entry for the booze-ridden metro-Detroit burb, trying to remove the facts that Wayne has many "dive bars" (it does), too many "antique shops" (it does), and a parking structure that was built in a prominent location but never used (seriously). Despite this glazing-over of Wayne's historical facts, though, we at PWTU are excited that the city is promoting the structure at long last. Here's to many downtown flea-markets to come.

(Hump-Day 1)

, ,



WWPWTUD - A Surprise for Aunt Irene

Part Five in PWTU's Ongoing Series

DEAR ABBY: I have a suggestion for "Wondering in Cleveland," whose Aunt Irene goes prowling through drawers during family gatherings. Rather than excluding her from future family get-togethers, how about leaving notes in all the drawers that say something like, "Hello, Aunt Irene. We hope that all our drawers pass your inspection!"
That ought to embarrass her enough to get her to cut it out without having to actually confront her. -- DAUGHTER OF ANOTHER SNOOP IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DAUGHTER OF ANOTHER SNOOP IN KENTUCKY: While your idea would probably make Aunt Irene blush and stop for a second, most likely she would then brush aside the note and keep right on snooping.
May we suggest a far better alternative: load all the drawers and cabinets up with hardcore, gay porn. Imagine Aunt Irene's shock as she opens the medicine cabinet for a peek, only to be greeted with two cowboys "riding bareback".
Of course, there are some dangers in this idea, the largest being the significant chance of Aunt Irene keeling over and dying. But hey, the bitch deserves it!

(Previous Column)


PWTU Birthday Honorees: The Olsen Twins

Today we honor the 20th birthdays of America's favorite twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, above (Ashley's the fat one).

From their humble beginnings portraying Michelle Tanner on the beloved family sitcom Full House, to their current jobs of looking like bag ladies and dating men twice their height, the Olsens always give us something to talk about.
And we, for one, were shocked when New York Minute didn't explode at the box office.

Happy birthday, Mary-Kate and Ashley!

(Previous Honoree) (Related Full-House News)


PWTU in History: Miranda's Warning

Part Seven of PWTU's Ongoing Series

Remember the good ol' days when cops could arrest someone, interrogate them without pesky lawyers around for hours, fabricate evidence, lie, and basically do and say whatever they wanted in order to get a suspect to confess? If your answer is "yes" then you must have been born long before 1966 (or you live in the south). That year-- on this day, in fact!-- a handful of United States Supreme Court activist judges decided to insist that all suspects be informed of their so-called "constitutional rights" prior to being questioned by police.

Miranda himself is long dead by now, but his legacy lives on in the form of the "Miranda warning" all suspects are to be read prior to questioning by police. And we at PWTU applaud this legacy, all joking aside: everyone, even scumbags, should at least know what their rights are. The frustrating thing is that this guy, this poster-child for police-restraint and constitutional rights, was a total slimeball who actually deserved to be in prison! Making things worse, it turns out that Mr. Ernesto Miranda (above left) bears a disturbing resemblance to our hero Al Franken. How disturbing.

Regardless of all that, though, 40-years ago today some cops predicted that the High Court's decision would make it easier for guilty persons to go free. Instead, the Miranda warning has proven to be great fodder for network crime dramas, which is probably the real reason we at PWTU are so fond of it.

(Source) (Part Six in Series)



Adorable Ethnic Cleansing

We at PWTU frown upon the mass-murder of entire groups of people, but smile upon learning new ways to make our blog annoyi-- eh, cool. Anyway, here's a test-post-turned-permanent, embedded with a video from everyone's favorite copyright-infringer, YouTube. Enjoy!


MySpace Morons: Michigan and the Middle East

Part One of PWTU's Ongoing Series
In a scheme worthy of the master himself, Zach Morris, a Michigan teenager hatched quite the plan to meet her online boyfriend 6000 miles away in the Middle East. How’d she do it? Simple. First she convinced her Mom that she required a passport to join her friend’s family on a trip to Canada (no such trip existed, of course). Next the girl, Katherine Lester, 16, got her online-beau (whom she’d met on MySpace) to order her a one-way ticket to Israel. Next she simply snuck out of her house and boarded a plane.

Nothing makes us at PWTU prouder to be from the Great Lakes State then when our teenage population proves it’s just as conniving, manipulative, and stupid as all the other teens our great nation produces. So kudos to you, Ms. Lester! And remember to thank whatever god you believe in that the Feds caught up with you before this Jordanian weirdo did: something tells us it wouldn’t have been an ending suitable for Saved By the Bell…

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?