6.05.2006

 

WWPWTUD - You're Awesome...SIKE!

Part Three in PWTU's Ongoing Series

DEAR ABBY: Several months ago, I met and fell in love with an amazing woman I'll call "Maria." My problem is, although she makes me happy, and it thrills me to hear that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, she kids me about breaking up on a regular basis. Sometimes it'll be a simple, "We're over! Oh -- just kidding," or, "We're done! I need a new man -- just kidding."
This humor of hers hurts a lot. She justifies it by saying that I don't have a sense of humor and that I take things too seriously. Abby, I love Maria with all my heart, and I want to have a future with her. But it hurts every time she does this. What should I do? -- ETHAN IN WAYNETOWN, IND.

Dear ETHAN IN WAYNETOWN, IND.: First, let us just say that it looks like you've found yourself a great woman. Second, it sounds to us like Maria might be expressing how she really feels about the relationship when she says these hurtful (but fucking hilarious) things to you. It's called passive-aggressiveness, and we here at PWTU know it when we see it! One of our staffers used to have quite a problem with PA; she would routinely say things to other employees like "You smell bad, go take a shower... just kidding!" or "Your wife is having an affair... just playin'!" Yeah, it was quite problematic for us, so we got her the counseling she needed, and now she is nice as pie.

However, we do not recommend sending your beloved Maria to counseling; we suggest instead that you fight fire with fire. Think about the possibilities: "Welp, I saw my doctor this morning; it's AIDs.... just kidding, honey!" Or, after a vigorous bout of lovemaking: "Damn, the condom popped! Oops!... just messin' with ya!" See what we mean? Have a little fun with it!

Oh, and ETHAN IN WAYNETOWN, IND.: You're a pussy... kidding, of course! :)




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