6.01.2006

 

WWPWTUD - A Rose by any other Name?

Part Two in PWTU's Ongoing Series

Today PWTU tackles the bizarre problems of HURT IN LOUISIANA, as seen on Dear Abbey:


DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to resolve something between me and my boyfriend. I bought him three yellow roses, and he was insulted! He says yellow roses mean only friendship. My grandmother says three roses mean love. I think ANY rose says I love you.

Is red the only color rose that means I love you? -- HURT IN LOUISIANA

DEAR HURT IN LOUISIANA: We are a wee bit confused by this question. We notice that you do not identify what gender you are, which impels us to assume that you are male, and that you are writing about your boyfriend, and that you both are gay. Because first of all, what girl is stupid enough to think her (straight) boyfriend might be impressed by flowers? And even if there is a girl out there who is that dense, what straight guy would whine about the color of said roses? If we are wrong, and you are in fact female, we urge you to think about what you are doing with a man who is obviously in the closet.

Additionally, everyone knows that the only true way to show your love for another person involves mouth-to-genital contact.

Have a nice day, and thanks for confusing the fuck out of us.

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