6.08.2006

 

PWTU in History: The Secession We Wish had Stuck

Part Six of PWTU's Ongoing Series

One-hundred and forty-five years ago today the great sovereign state that is Tennessee officially seceded from these United States. Some of our great-grandparents probably remember this momentous day, a day of celebration across the North-- and a day of deep mourning across the South.

Yes, nobody wanted Tennessee, but someone had to take the bastard child, and her rough upbringing by an unloving parent led the state to indulge in all manner of rebellion. Evidence of this reckless youth is present even today: the Grand Ole Opry, Nashville, Keith Urban/Nicole Kidman, huge yard-sales, and of course, lovely, lovely racism. See what happens when you rear a child wrongly, friends?

Sure, Tennessee isn't all bad. Al Gore is from there... and Morgan Freeman is, too! And we at PWTU would never forget that Dolly Parton hails from the region as well (what up Dollywood?!?). Still, had we lost the great War Between the States, the permanent loss of this ill-gotten child would have been the silver lining.

Tennessee, we'll always love you the way an alcoholic red-neck loves his pissed off, stupid, brain-dead, step-child.

(Source) (Part Five of Series)


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